Some Say “I Love You,” Others Say “I Baked You Cookies”: The 5 Love Languages & What They Mean

We’re all fluent in our own native tongue, but did you know there’s one language we all have in common that everyone speaks without realizing it?

It’s Love. (LOL) Cheesy, but true.

Love is a universal language, but it’s different for everyone; the love you feel towards your pet is definitely not the same as the love you have for your (human) best friend.

According to marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, love and affection have their own FIVE distinct languages. In his 1992 book “The 5 Love Languages”, Chapman defines the concept of love language as the way you express affection for people you love and the way you want them to express affection for you.

What You Need to Know Before Reading On:

1. People usually have one primary love language (the one that makes them feel most special), and 3 to 4 love languages that are less intense, but still important to be aware of.

2. During the honeymoon period of a relationship, people tend to speak ALL love languages (showing the best they can be), but over time, you settle into expressing your primary language.

3. If you’re still confused, there’s a legit quiz you can take online that based on a handful of questions tells you what your main love language is. You can also send it to your partner.

TAKE THE OFFICIAL QUIZ HERE!

Now that you’re all briefed and ready, as told by Chapman, here are the 5 love languages, and how to master each of them.

1. Words of Affirmation

People whose primary love language is “Words of Affirmation” tend to prefer compliments, appreciation and verbal support. They believe actions don’t always speak louder than words.

If this is you or your partner’s love language, then we recommend also trying the following for increased fluency:

• Words of appreciation/compliments.

• Leave encouraging notes.

• Create a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

• Share sentiments for your partner’s successes and struggles.

We also suggest avoiding the following:

• Assuming they know how loved they are.

• Assuming they know you are proud of them.

• Not recognizing or appreciating their efforts.

• Emotionally harsh words.

  2. Physical Touch

This isn’t all about the bedroom. If this is your partner’s main love language, then (lucky you) there won’t be such a thing as “too much” cuddles, kisses, hugs, or all that touchy-feely stuff.

Here’s a cheat-sheet for this love language, you can try:

• Offering massages.

• Initiating intimacy.

• Hug them whenever you have the chance (SCREW THEM ANTI-PDA!).

• Putting your arm around them (or embracing them).

• Non-sexual touch that reminds them of your presence.

If you want to enhance this language in you, try to avoid doing these things:

• Long periods without intimacy.

• Coldly giving affection.

• Waiting for your partner to express their desire for physical affection (UGH THIS!!! Just go for it, mate).

  3. Quality Time

One of the main reasons we all want to have a significant other is to have someone who truly wants to spend time with us. But some people need it a little extra than the rest. People with this love language will appreciate you doing the following:

• Being mentally present when you are with them.

• Making plans to explore new places.

• Dedicating uninterrupted time (ex: putting away your phone).

• Creating small moments to connect.

• Having quality and deep conversations.

And naturally, avoid these:

• Being distracted when you are with them.

• Viewing your partner as needy (that’s plain rude and hurtful).

• Complaining about time spent together.

• Preparing for other engagements when you’re together.

4. Receiving Gifts

Please, don’t mistake this love language for materialism. If this is your partner’s love language, trust us, they only thrive on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift, and not how big or expensive the gift is.

Still confused? Say no more, try these (and thank us later):

• Giving thoughtful gifts and gestures (small things matter big).

• Souvenirs when you travel without them.

• Gifts that symbolize moments, experiences or feelings.

• Small reminders or tokens when they don’t feel their best.

• Being intentional on holidays, ESPECIALLY their birthday.

Want the love to last? Then stay away from:

• Forgetting special occasions (or you will unleash a beast!).

• Materialism; gifts are never about the cost.

• Giving gifts out of “duty” or without love.

5. Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors or doing the laundry really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden off the shoulders of an “Acts of Service” partner, will speak volumes.

Also, try some of these:

• Showing rather than telling.

• Following through with what you say you will do.

• Assisting with stressful or time-consuming tasks.

• Looking for small ways to help them (ex: cooking for them, or preparing a bath).

• Being spontaneous (ex: surprising them at work with flowers).

If you truly care about your partner with this love language, we advise you to avoid the following:

• Ignoring requests for help.

• Not following through.

• Being close-minded, like feeding into gender-based stereotypes when it comes to tasks.

Last But Not Least

Don’t forget to always be patient and open-minded with your loved one, whether they’re a significant other or even a friend. Being self-aware and knowing what love language they speak will ease the communication between you and will save you both LOTS of time and energy.